You can hurry love—through speed dating 

By Jennifer Nunez 

Anxiously, you sit across from your “opponent,” hands sweaty, heart racing, and thoughts clouded.  You have anticipated this event all week long, thinking about strategy; even the choice of a uniform has kept you up at night.

The bell rings, and the game begins. You and your adversary volley information back and forth for a few minutes, and now the ball is in your court again. You begin to panic, your body flushes with anxiety, but wait, the bell rings and the round is over. Saved! You add the points on your scorecard, thank your opponent for a good time, and move on to the next person. 

No, this is not the newest interactive game from your local toy store; it is the game of love, version 3.0: speed dating. 

Conventional dating has become a thing of the past for thousands of relationship hopefuls ever since speed dating hit the scene. Large groups of singles from different circumstances—divorced, widowed, or never married—congregate in hopes of connecting with one another over short conversations. Can this “dating in the fast lane” really help one find true love?

Speed dating events start off with a sign-in. Each attendee fills out an information card and receives an identification number. Most venues serve a complimentary cocktail during this pre-dating period—something to take off the nervous edge, perhaps?

 

Yes or no

Once everyone has registered, the host explains how the process works while the daters locate seats at tables set for two. “Ring” goes the bell, and couples muster up interesting conversation between strangers, trying to make a lasting impression. Three to eight minutes later, depending on the dating service, the bell rings again. Everyone checks “yes” or “no” on their scorecards to indicate whether they would like to see this person again; the men rotate to new tables; and new couples are formed.

This routine repeats until all the daters have met. The host collects everyone’s scorecards, and within one week the daters hear if a match has been made.

The Chicago-based dating service DateandDash hosted a sold-out event Jan. 30 at Salud Tequila Lounge in West Town. Many of the 44 attendees said they came to have a good time and meet new people. Good friends Heather Reed and Rebecca Shale said they came because of a New Year’s promise they made to each other to give it a try. 

Speed-dating veteran Tiffany Frederick said “we pre-judge people before we meet them, so this forces us to give everyone an equal shot.” Frederick ended up checking nine yeses on her scorecard and found out who of those nine checked yes for her in just a few days.

West Loop resident Ravin Shah recommends speed dating. “In fact,” he said, “I told my sister and her friend that it would be worth their while to give it a go. It was the equivalent of like five good nights out.” Five nights out on the town would have added up to much more than the $32 it cost to participate that night. 

 

‘Stamp Guy’

“What kinds of stamps do you like, the self adhesive ones or the kind you lick?” asked #51, otherwise known as The Stamp Guy. He may not have been the favorite among females that night, but he left a lasting impression with his inventive icebreaker. 

The purpose of speed dating is to get a feel for the person’s character, not to quiz them with questions like “Where do you live?” and “What do you do for a living?” said DateandDash host Matthew Fox. “Be creative.” He also advises participants to relax, have fun, and dress well. “Less is more,” he emphasized. “Having a drink or two to take the edge off is okay; getting drunk is not the best idea, though.”  

On Feb. 10 during another DateandDash event, Fox put this writer in the hot seat, giving me five minutes to make an impression. At first it was nerve-racking. I had no idea what to say, and anything I could muster up sounded flaky or irrelevant. About three minutes into the conversation the tension eased up. By the time the bell rang to signify the end of the “date,” I didn’t want it to end. That is what makes speed dating so appealing: once you find someone worth more than five minutes, you want more.

Speed dating is just that—speedy, so some found it difficult to evaluate and document what each person was like. Said Shah, “You had a choice between writing something down or talking to the next person, and I preferred the latter.” By the end of the night he had a handful of great conversations, but his memory failed him when trying to recall his dates. Luckily for Shah, his friend Vipan Nikore was able to assist him with his lost memory, and he completed his scorecard successfully.

Shah chose ten women that night as potential second dates. He recently received his results and matched up with eight of them. “Not bad at all,” he said.

 

Like Sex and the City

Speed dating originated in Los Angeles in 1998 when Aish HaTorah, a Jewish educational network, came up with the concept as a matchmaking service for Jewish singles. Vilius Gavrilenka, founder of DateandDash, started his company after viewing an episode of Sex and the City in which the main characters went speed dating. 

Speedmatchmaking.com references speed dating services in ten countries; the United States holds the largest number of listings at 258. Some speed dating services cater to specific demographics such as gay, Jewish, Asian, and African American couples.

Fox found success in an unpredictable way. About five years ago he attended a Match.com event and stuck around for a bite to eat afterward. He had the opportunity to get to know Heather, a woman he had not been able to “date” during the event, and they ended up together for a year. Another match was made when Fox’s friend Martin Adamczyk attended DateandDash’s Halloween event this past October and met Livia. They have been dating ever since.

The beauty of speed dating is that participants have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Instead of making your way through hours of awkward and empty conversation with Mr. or Ms. Wrong, or sitting at the singles bar risking rejection, you can attend a speed dating event and significantly increase the likelihood of meeting that someone special. Whoever said you can’t hurry love?

            Speed dating services in Chicago include 8minuteDating.com,  DateandDash.com, FastDater.com, HurryDate.com, and Pre-Dating.com.